


Are You Lonesome Tonight?

by Mistressaq



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Moaning, Multi, Pining, Smut, TW: Drugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 23:12:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15205565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistressaq/pseuds/Mistressaq
Summary: Six drag queens on an imaginary tour pair off for the night. Trixie is recovering from yet another breakup. Alaska is trying to reach a friend who just wants to fuck, and Jinkx is just trying to sleep through it all. Stay tuned for 8,000 words of everything you could possibly need from a fic.





	Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Katya had been keeping up contact for the last 12 hours or so. Passing a bag, Katya’s fingers curled around Alaska’s for far longer than was necessary. Their eyes met.

It wasn’t hard for Alaska to suss out why. The other queen buzzed with energy, but she seemed to be suppressing herself, hiding just how wired she was. Of course it was none of Alaska’s business, but she had a sinking suspicion of why.

Having picked up on the signals and pushed down the dread for her friends state of mind, Alaska jutted her chin out at Katya as they walked down a hallway in a group of queens. “I’m tired of clubbing after shows,” she said. “Wanna come up to my room after and hang?”

“Hell yes mama boots the house down werk,” said Katya, bobbing a little on her toes as they walked.

Katya’s energy sparked, her perfect smile infectious. Alaska couldn’t stop the grin that pulled her cheeks, or the lone butterfly in her gut. _Sister dick will make you sick_ , Willam had said once. And maybe that was true -- after all, Alaska hadn’t had the best track record with ‘sister dick’ -- but it couldn’t be worse than the disappointment and shame that came with going through the trouble of rustling up trade, wooing, only to get back to a hotel room and find they were too starstruck to get it up.

So when Christmas queens did reach their final number for the night, Alaska pulled a minor stunt and broke formation to stand next to Katya. She smiled at her All Stars costar and reached out her hand. Katya curled her bright pink hand around Alaska’s, then raised their joined hands to the audience, in victory, in camaraderie, in friendship, in something else…

Alaska felt a squeeze, brief, maybe nervous. She glanced at Katya but the other wouldn’t meet her eye. There was something… shaky, fearful, about her now that hadn’t been present earlier in the night. The sinking feeling was back.

Alaska gently squeezed Katya’s hand in return, for longer than Katya’s had lasted. Alaska willed a message to telepathically travel between their hands. _I care about you. And whatever’s going on, you’re strong, and I will do anything you need me to. Please just ask_.

Katya’s grip loosened, and Alaska dropped her hold as everyone went to say hi to the front row, pick up a few last tips and high-five fans.  

There wasn’t any other interaction between Alaska and Katya in the dressing room after Meet and Greets finished. A piece of Alaska thought maybe the Bostonian was ignoring her, or avoiding her. She tossed around the idea of actually going out with the others after the show. Maybe tonight would be the time she got blackout drunk again for the first time in a long time. Of course she knew she wouldn’t, but the option was there.

Imagining all the ways she could self destruct, Alaska didn’t notice Katya standing behind her before feeling two warm hands rest on her shoulders, then drape down her clavicles to meet at the divet in the base of her throat. Alaska felt her pulse quicken and looked to Katya’s face in the mirror. Katya, however, was staring into Alaska’s boy hair, sweaty and flat after hours under her wig.

“Hey there,” said Alaska, raising one hand to meet both of Katya’s at the base of her neck. The other long arm she extended behind her, managing to make contact with the other queen’s bare back. Katya’s skin was greasy with sweat. Suddenly the hotel room seemed years away.

Katya must have seen the immediacy flash across Alaska’s face, because she fully backed away from Alaska’s station, leaving the tallest drag queen in the room grasping at air, feeling altogether colder for Katya’s loss.

“Hey, can we talk?” asked Katya. Her voice had a dither to it, a sign of vulnerability, out of character for her usual don’t-take-anything-serious attitude.

“Yeah absolutely.” Alaska had already stood up and pushed in her chair. Her heart sped; that butterfly knocked around again, and the uncomfortable feeling of trepidation resurfaced.

 _I’m so relieved he sees me as someone he can confide in, I just don’t know how to bring these things up and even if I did I wouldn’t accept any help if I was in that situation -- hell that’s how most of my old friendships blew up, people trying to help me when I was in a dark place and I don’t want Brian pushing me away and_ \--

Stuck in her own thoughts, Alaska was completely blindsided when Katya grabbed her by the waist and dragged her into an alcove. Talking was just an excuse to get her alone, realized Alaska when she allowed a smirking Katya to playfully shove her against a wall.

Her hands raised slightly above her head, palms facing outward, Alaska leaned against the cold wall invitingly. Alaska felt Katya’s eyes hungrily undressing her and all anxiety went out the window. She rolled her hips and bit one side of her lip. This was a situation she knew how to behave in.

Alaska smirked and crossed one long leg over the other. “Just couldn’t wait, could you?”

“You’re damn right,” Katya husked, taking two long (for her) strides to close the distance between them, and crushing her lips into Alaska’s.

Katya’s hands quickly hooked around Alaska’s waist. Alaska threw one fist higher up the wall while her other hand curled around the hairs at the back of Katya’s neck. Her mouth tasted like cigarettes but Alaska didn’t care. Katya sucked on her bottom lip and Alaska felt grateful for the steadying hands at her sides.

Katya released her lip with a _pop!_ and locked eyes with Alaska for a short moment, during which time she relocated one of her hands from Alaska’s side, tracing fingertips lightly down her belly to her groin. Alaska gazed down at Katya, still wigged and made up, only having discarded pantyhose and heels in the dressing room. The good person lurking beneath the arousal in Alaska urged her to search those eyes for clues, but then Katya’s hand properly _grabbed_ her through her dance briefs and Alaska’s knees threatened to quit. “Oh, fuck,” she gasped, grabbing onto Katya’s arms with both hands to keep herself upright.

Katya giggled maliciously and squeezed Alaska through her underwear as she peppered her neck with kisses.

Alaska’s brows knitted in reluctance. “Hang on,” she whispered ruefully. She pressed open hands against Katya’s arms to signal time-out.

“What’s the problem?” chirped Katya, maybe a little too impatiently.

Alaska but her lip. “I can’t.” She looked up. Katya did not look happy. “Just not here, okay?” The other relaxed and nodded. Alaska let out a breath and smiled, pulling herself to her feet. “If I let that go on much longer, someone would definitely have… heard it.” She blushed.

Katya let out a cackle that reassured Alaska everything would be okay.

—-

Jinkx nursed a cocktail and leaned back in her chair. “Honestly, I’m with Katya on this one,” she said. “A night in just sounds so refreshing. I think I might do that.”

“Wow, really?” asked Roxxxy as she pried her falsies off her lids. “What about you, Trixie?”

The Wisconsinite didn’t break her gaze in her mirror. “Ah, yeah I was gonna stay in too.”

Roxxxy’s eyebrows raised. “What? Why?”  

Trixie’s face stayed blank. “Uh… you know, probably because yet another boyfriend dumped me, so.” She shrugged.

A chorus of ‘aw’ and ‘oh no babe’ sounded, but the country queen shrugged those off too. “I mean it’s whatever, I’ll spend a night drinking alone in a hotel room, fucking around on my guitar and probably crying, so.”

Roxxxy tried to convince Trixie that going out would help, but Trixie insisted she would only bring the mood down, and anyway, she was too tired.

“There _are_ ways of getting un-tired if you really want to, you know,” reminded Sharon.

“Yeah,” Trixie looked down. She squirted makeup remover into her palm. “No, I’m well aware. I just… don’t have it in me, you know?” She started to rub in the substance that peeled the facade from her face. Trixie started to look human again. “So that’s my plan. Drink alone. Listen to sad music, maybe write some sad music. I’ve been trying this thing called ‘feeling’ I don’t know if you’ve heard of it? It’s where you actually make yourself address the emotions you won’t admit to having instead of pushing them down and ignoring them? Ever heard of this? Boy was I confused when Michelle first explained this process to me.”

“Well I’m not familiar with these emotions you speak of,” joked Sharon. “But drinking alone is dangerous, so I’m inviting myself to your pity party.”

“Oh don’t do that--”

“Too late, bitch, I gotta make sure you don’t listen to trash country music,” she remarked. “I’m fine with it when you write it, but girl,” Sharon _tsk_ -ed, then brightened. “Besides I’m bringing molly, just in case you decide you wanna hide from those feelings after all.”

Trixie shook her head in amusement. “You’re really gonna blow off a night of partying just to sit around with me in a hotel room and mope around?”

Sharon shrugged and shot Trixie a side-eye. “Why not?”

Trixie’s eyes narrowed. “Why do I not believe you.”

“Alright fine,” Sharon threw down a used makeup wipe on her vanity. “Honestly? I’m barred from patronizing all of the clubs in this city. Like all of them.”

“It’s true,” added Roxxxy. “Every single one. That must be a record, right?”

“Unfortunately no,” responded the spooky queen. “I looked it up.”

“The clubs only let her in to perform sometimes -- when they do it’s because Michelle is being Talent Wrangler,” explained Jinkx.

“So I’m gonna be the only one going out tonight?” whined Roxxxy. “Really? That blows.”

Trixie bit her lip. “I don’t know, Sharon, I don’t think it’s safe for her to go out alone, right?”

Sharon looked to Trixie. “You wanna join her?”

“No.”

“Then neither do I. And besides, she won’t be alone, she’ll be surrounded by people.” Sharon brushed off the issue. “Nothing safer than that.”

Something scratched at Trixie on the inside. Why was Sharon being so… _un_ -Sharon? Why was she intent on staying with Trixie? Sharon was bound to get bored in the room with her. Trixie looked to the station next to hers, empty, and sighed. Where was her best friend when she needed her?

—-

A de-dragged Katya and Alaska made their way from where their Lyft dropped them off outside and into the lobby. They laughed, scratched, and chatted just like normal, like nothing was out of the ordinary.

Then they stepped into the elevator together.

It was unclear who made the first move. Hands clapped around necks, teeth clacked together with the sheer force of want between the two. Katya had Alaska by the shoulders and shoved her against the railing on the wall. Alaska winced as her low back banged against stainless steel.

“Sorry,” Katya breathed into Alaska’s mouth.

“Little carried away there?” joked Alaska. She was able to take in half of a breath before her mouth was suddenly reengaged with Katya’s.

The elevator pinged. Regrettable, Katya slunk away from Alaska and stepped out. She took a steadying breath in. “So yours or mine?”

Alaska cleared her throat and searched around in her handbag for her roomkey, keeping her eyes locked on Katya. There was only the one card in the bag, and when she felt it in her fingers, she lifted it into the air. “Mine’s closer.”

Katya let out a wheezy cackle and spread her arms. “Then lead the way, mister.”

Alaska, stepping out of the elevator, cringed. “Oh, don’t call me that.”

“No problem, my liege.” Katya purposely bumped her hip against Alaska’s thigh.

Alaska lightly shoved the other’s shoulder. Katya cackled so loud she woke up a baby in a nearby room. “God!” Alaska whisper-screamed. “That’s worse! And you managed to disturb a baby!”

Katya couldn’t stop laughing, then found herself taken over by a fit of coughing. It was just as well, they’d arrived outside Alaska’s door. Alaska swiped her keycard, the ring of lights around the slot lit up green, she grabbed the door handle, turned it and shoved the weighted door open wide.

No sooner had Alaska got the door open than Katya pounced on her from behind, sending them both crashing to the floor. As soon as Alaska understood why she was suddenly on the dingy hotel carpet, she flipped over to see Katya still on all fours, hovering above her. Katya wiggled her eyebrows and Alaska was lost to a fit of laughter that, had she not already been on the floor, would have sent her there anyway.

Katya dove into Alaska’s neck, kissing and sucking like a teenager. Giggles erupted from Alaska’s throat involuntarily. Her feet kicked into the hallway and she shifted her pelvis under Katya.

Katya’s hand rubbed Alaska’s nipple through her Tshirt. She pushed herself against the front of Alaska’s pants. Alaska ground her head back into the carpet. “Woah,” she choked. “You’re - _ah_ \- wasting no time on…”

“Nope!” Proclaimed Katya, continuing to grind even harder on Alaska, sending shivers of pleasure around Alaska’s ass.

Footsteps sounded from down the hall and Alaska yanked her feet inside the room, letting the door finally close behind her and the other queen. Immediately they found themselves in total darkness. “Well,” said Alaska. “You wanna figure out where a light switch is?”

“Oh please no,” joked Katya. “I can’t bear you to see me naked -- keep them off or I’ll be forever dishonored!”

Alaska rolled her eyes. _As if_ this was going to be their first time seeing each other naked. Fumbling for her phone, the All Stars 2 winner managed to turn her flashlight function on. The white light flushed all the color out of Katya’s face, making her features appear ghostly in the dark -- her cheeks contoured by shadow, making Katya look half decayed already. Alaska’s heart stuttered.

Katya felt Alaska tense beneath her and a strange look crossed her face. “Did I spook you? I know I’m so stupefyingly gorgeous, but --”

Alaska had left her joking mood back in the light. She rose to her elbows and shone her light along the walls. “Let’s just find that switch.”

——

Sharon hauled three bottles of wine up to the room while Trixie flicked through channels, looking for anything that could serve as semi-comforting ambient sound. Everything in her body ached, resisting the conversation she knew she needed to have.

A knock came at the door. “Alcohol!” Called Sharon from the hallway.

Trixie didn’t move from where she sat cross-legged on her bed. Before she had sat down she slotted the deadbolt. “It’s open!”

Sharon stepped through the door and set all three bottles down on the countertop. “You wanna--”

“I’m seriously reconsidering asking you to get wine specifically,” spat Trixie.

Sharon shifted her weight. “Oh?”

“Mm-hm,” Trixie nodded. “Because getting wine-drunk takes too fucking long.” Her eyes bored daggers through an NCIS rerun.

Sharon scoffed and managed to open one of the bottles with her bare hands. “Not with that attitude.”

Trixie managed a shallow chuckle, and immediately felt emotion grip her by the throat. She cleared it. “Okay then, Mistress of the Drunk,” she started. “Put your money where your mouth is. I want to be as not-sober as fast as possible at this point I don’t give a shit about how I’ll feel tomorrow or later tonight.” She bit back a whine. “I just need--” she coughed.

Sharon abandoned the hotel glass she’d been pouring wine into. Clearly, this girl was in need of the whole bottle. “Good thing you’ve got the alcoholic as your date tonight, right?” Sharon offered Trixie the bottle, which she took with a depressed sigh.

“Shhh,” Sharon gently rested her hand on Trixie’s shoulder.

The other queen took a swig. “Wow that is cheap shit.”

Sharon lightly shoved Trixie and rested a hip on the bed next to her. Trixie resituated to accommodate the season 4 winner. Sharon took a sip of wine from the glass. She really didn’t need to get drunk as much as Trixie did, but she was still going to. Sharon just had the luxury of being able to take her time.

She brushed her short blonde hair back. “Yeah, well, that season 4 money is all gone now, so, you get what you get.”

Trixie again let out a shallow exhale somewhat resembling a laugh.

Sharon looked up at the TV. “That NCIS?”

Trixie took another swig. “I don’t fucking care.”

Sharon tilted her head. “I think it is.” she patted Trixie on the knee. “And lucky for you, I’m the best at making impromptu drinking games!”

Trixie nodded and sat back against the headboard. Her and Sharon’s shoulders pressed together. “Whatever, I’m down.”

Sharon bounced somewhat giddily on the mattress. “Okay, so you wanna get fucked up: I’m gonna say, drink every time DiNozzo makes a movie reference or flirts. Whenever McGee says something aggressively nerdy, drink. Every time Gibbs does something only Gibbs can get away with, drink. If Abby acts like an 8 year old on a sugar rush, drink. Every time Ducky starts on a long-winded story… and just drink if ever you feel like you need to. Which shouldn’t be often because this game is like, guaranteed to get you hammered within the first 10 minutes, even with commercials.”

Immediately on screen, a guy Trixie didn’t really know the name of made a Terminator reference and Sharon exclaimed “Whoop! Movie reference from DiNozzo! Drink.”

They drank.

Sharon nudged Trixie with her elbow. “See? Guaranteed.”

Trixie again rested her head against the wall. She let her face loll toward Sharon. “I can only hope.”

_____

“There.”

The hotel room lit up, revealing open pieces of luggage, assorted shreds of drag dripping out from behind zippers. “Ugh, sorry I’m a messy packer,” Alaska excused.

Katya rolled her eyes and walked straight past the room divider and into the bedroom area. “You wouldn’t happen to travel with just a single candle, would you?” she asked, sitting on the clean white bed.

“Uh,” Alaska chuckled. “No.”

“I thought not.” Katya whipped out her phone and opened an app that made Alaska scream-laugh.

“Is that?” she gasped. “Just a gif of _a single candle_??”

Katya set her phone on the bedside table in front of the digital clock. “Yes.” She placed her hands in her lap and looked up at Alaska. “It was five dollars.”

Alaska choked.

Katya reached over and tapped a popup off of the screen. “And apparently for a one-time-fee of $1.99, I can upgrade to a second candle.”

Alaska rolled her eyes and wheezed. “Glad to see you spending that All Stars money responsibly.”

Katya prickled and set her phone back off to the side. Again her striking blue eyes targeted Alaska. “So are we gonna do this or not?”

Alaska looked down. “Uh, I…”

Katya stood and popped out one hip seductively. “Do you... need a refresher?” she purred. “After we were so rudely interrupted?”

“I…”

Katya had crossed the room for the second time. Taking a knee in front of Alaska, she traced her fingertips around the insides of Alaska’s knees.

Alaska cleared her throat. “No, yeah,” she hummed noncommittally.

Katya leaned back and gripped her ankles, looking up at Alaska with thin slitted eyes.

“I mean I’m -- I’m down, just uh,” she raked her fingers through her hair. “Can we maybe relocate? to the bed?”

Katya smiled and rolled her pelvis and torso, making a show of going from her knees, to one leg, and back up, keeping eye contact with Alaska the whole time. “Anything you want.”

Alaska gulped.

Alaska’s mind whirred as Katya took her by the hand and led her to the queen bed. Granted, this was not the first time Alaska had been seduced, or come onto so hard. But… it was _Katya._  Her friend Katya. Why hadn’t she thought of this before? It really was a terrible idea--

Katya whirled around, grabbed both of Alaska’s hands, clamped them behind her own back and bent Alaska’s back into the bed.

“Woah.”

“I know,” Katya smirked.

Katya’s leg was between Alaska’s knees. She coaxed Alaska’s legs apart, Alaska pitching in, rolling her hips back into the mattress. Katya’s hand cupped around Alaska in her shorts. “What do you need?” husked Katya.

Alaska shivered at Katya’s timbre. Her now free hand snaked up Katya’s thigh. Again she found Katya’s eyes. “For you to kiss me.”

Katya seemed amused. “Really?”

Alaska exhaled. “I… need a blank mind.” _I need to forget it’s you._

A wicked smile pulled Katya’s lips wide. She had Alaska shuffle back on the mattress so she could crawl on top, just like they had been in the doorway.

Katya breathed on Alaska’s lips. She just couldn’t help it. “Just one more thing,” she murmured, most of the air in her lungs already stiff with anticipation. “Before we go any further?”

Katya angled her head slightly down, and suddenly she was breathing hot out of her mouth and it was hitting Alaska’s neck and _oh God_ …

The Bostonian rubbed circles with her thumb into the front of Alaska’s pants. “What would that be?”

Alaska’s lids fluttered. Oh right, she had been saying something. “Oh. Just… so there’s no… surprises, down the road…”

“You’re not prepared,” finished Katya plainly.

“Yeah.” Alaska’s voice was small, fearing resentment, disappointment.

“No duh, of course you’re not,” Katya scoffed. “I mean, I wasn’t planning on going there tonight, but hey, if you’re into scat--”

“I’m not,” assured Alaska.

Katya writhed on top of her, rolling her abs, her thighs and chest, over Alaska like a hot tingling wave. Into Alaska’s ear, she whispered, more goosebumps rising on Alaska’s neck “Glad we got that covered.”

Alaska twitched under Katya. She’d had enough of this submissive bullshit. Her hands grasped Katya by the waist and pulled her back so she was no longer curled around Alaska’s body like a snake. Katya’s knees dug into the bed.

Alaska grasped Katya by the face. “Come here.”

Free of any fear of being walked in on, overheard, or interrupted, the two went at it like they had never passionately kissed someone before. Mouths opened wide, invited each other in and out, tongues searched to taste every inch of each other’s mouths, memorizing the feeling. Katya ground her hips down between Alaska’s legs, growing pressure singing. Alaska let out a rhasp when Katya angled her hips _just so_.

“Fuck,” Alaska gasped.

She felt Katya smirk against her lips. Her pounding heart could only stutter in anticipation of what Katya had planned for a second, before her partner groped her ass with both hands. A noise was driven out of Alaska as her body tensed in pleasure. In one swift motion, Katya grabbed all the fabric below Alaska’s hips and pulled it away like a magician pulls a tablecloth from under a dinner set. Alaska’s bottom half suddenly completely exposed, a chill hit her tender flesh.

Again, Alaska rasped out loud, fast breaths, that became tinged with raunchy whines and moans when Katya’s warm hand cupped around her balls. When Katya took that hand and wrapped it around the base of Alaska’s hardening cock, Alaska’s whole body seized. Those perfect white teeth chomped down on her collarbone and she lost all control.

A sound like a wail and a scream erupted from her. Alaska was vaguely aware of the sound of Katya fumbling with one of the bedside drawers. She may not have prepared physically for this, but she always stocked her bedside tables in the hopes of getting lucky. While Katya smeared lube on her one hand, Alaska ran both hands through her dark brown curls and tried to catch her breath as she stared at the popcorn ceiling.

In what seemed like no time at all, Katya’s hot mouth was back on Alaska’s neck. Her legs spread even wider, welcoming back a hand that now went to town jerking her off. Suddenly Alaska became aware of how fully clothed Katya was, and tugged at the hem of her partner’s shirt. She wanted nothing more than to run her hands all along Katya’s well-defined shoulders, bulked biceps.

In a flash, the shirt was removed. Alaska clutched at the hot bare skin of Katya’s back, growing slippery with sweat from arousal. Her long legs wrapped around Katya’s waist, where she was crouched over Alaska, thrusting at her hand which was fucking the 49th state.

Katya’s hand settled back at the base of Alaska’s long cock and squeezed. Alaska let out an intoxicated whine. Katya reached behind her and tapped one of Alaska’s shins. With a grunt, she released her hold.

Katya gave one more open-mouthed kiss before setting her feet on the floor, spreading them, gripping Alaska’s ass, and lowering her head down to fully wrap her mouth around Alaskas now fully-erect, pulsing cock.

_____

Trixie was over half the bottle down, still feeling too much and not enough, when Sharon pulled her from her thoughts to point at the wall behind them.

“Do you hear that?” asked Sharon.

Trixie didn’t hear anything, other than the dialogue from the TV, and even that was basically background noise -- wait.

“You heard it that time,” said Sharon, recognizing Trixie’s reaction. The spooky queen turned the volume down and rose to her knees so she could press her ear against the wall separating Trixie’s room from her neighbors.

Following Sharon’s lead, Trixie shakily rose to her knees and listened. Sure enough, there were sounds coming from next door. Like… creaking doors? “What the hell?” murmured Trixie.

Sharon swallowed. Her voice came out measured. “Trixie. Who are you rooming next to?”

“Alaska, why?” her mouth spoke without permission.

Sharon’s lips pressed together and she clapped her hands over her mouth. From the stretching around her eyes, Trixie could tell she was holding back explosive laughter. She play-slapped Sharon on the arm. “ _What_?”

Sharon let out a few out-of-character giggles. “Oh, I thought after so long I wouldn’t… be able to recognize, but—“ she buried her clean face in a pillow and cackled.

Another noise filtered through the wall. This time, it was clearly a voice. A voice that Trixie well recognized.

“ _Oh my GAWD!_ ”

Realization struck Trixie and Sharon lost her shit. She started running all around the small hotel room, doing laps in and out of the bathroom, smacking Trixie on the leg where she still sat dumbstruck on her bed.

“You _knew!_ ”

Sharon threw a pillow at the wall. “Yeah!” She said, coming down from her fit, her voice still tight.

“From the _noises_!”

Sharon nodded fervently. “I did!”

Trixie’s jaw was on the floor. “I—“

Another noise — another _voice_ — made its way through the wall.

“ _Fuckin’ like that don’t you, frigid bitch_?”

Trixie’s eyes bulged out of her skull. She couldn't even say it — she mouthed the name: _Katya_.

Sharon dropped a pillow. A look came over her face, like a black light bulb moment— a Bad Idea Bear struck.

Sharon smiled, a wicked, ominous smile.

Trixie leaned away from her. “What? What is it you’re planning?”

Jumping back on the bed, Sharon huffed a sentence Trixie did not understand. “We gotta do a _Forgetting Sarah Marshall._ ”

“We gotta _what_ now?” Trixie tried to ask, but Sharon had already started.

Crouching like a frog on a hotel bed because she couldn’t stand up without hitting her head through the low ceiling, Sharon started… bouncing.

Trixie chuckled in confusion. “Uh… what?”

Sharon turned to her over her shoulder. “Bounce, bitch!”

For a few seconds, Trixie just watched, trying to wrap her head around what was happening.

Sharon bounced on the bed, making it squeak. She started breathing rapidly; Trixie considered asking if she was okay. Only after Sharon started making noises of her own did it click.

“Ohhh,” Sharon moaned loudly. She lifted her hands to flip nonexistent hair over her shoulders. “Oh, _yeahhhh._ ”

Sharon looked at Trixie again. She winked and motioned to join in. Hesitantly, Trixie tried to follow Sharon’s bounce pattern. She couldn’t think of anything to say, so she let Sharon keep doing her part.

“Hnnnnnnnng oh god yaaas,” croaked Sharon.

A loud grunt — from which partner Trixie couldn’t tell — sounded from the opposite room.

Trixie smacked her hand against the wall and fake moaned.

“Oh, _Satan!_ ” Sharon grunted through clenched teeth.

Trixie’s peal of laughter was probably a mood killer, but at this point she didn’t care. She reached out a hand to Sharon, who took it, and soon they were both bouncing on their knees, shrieking in competition with Alaska and Katya next door, who had also hiked up their noises.

Now there were loud clapping sounds to contend with.

“ _Fucking like that don't you cunt_.” Katya grunted, followed by a loud clap.

Trixie smacked both palms against the wall. “Fuuuuuck, man!”

Sharon gleefully squealed, also slapping the wall. “More! Fuck, this aint my first time at the rodeo, give it to me!”

They heard a growl from Katya and a yelp from Alaska. Immediately followed by “Shit—you okay?” and a soft “yeah”.

Things quieted down with the neighbors as they broke for repositioning. This gave Trixie the time to fall to the side laughing and try and catch her breath. She felt Sharon fall beside her and turned her head. They were both flushed— Sharon actually looked pretty fine with her face all pink and vibrant, it made her eyes look especially blue.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Trixie sighed happily. She reached out to touch Sharon’s jaw without thinking.

Sharon took her hand and held it.

They proceeded to lie there quietly. The noises from the other side came back, muffled and more understated, more urgent. Trixie and Sharon stayed horizontal, feet hanging off the side of the hotel bed, just… staring. At each other, at the room -- but mostly each other.

Trixie’s gaze had drifted downward, to Sharon’s mouth. Just staring off into space, eyes fixed on Sharon’s lips.

“Trixie?”

She came back to earth when she heard her name. Sharon was leaning on her fist, looking at Trixie. The Wisconsin queen squirmed. “What?”

Sharon’s thumb traced circles on Trixie’s hand. She didn’t realize they were still holding hands. Trixie wanted to yank away, but didn’t, because she also didn’t want to.

“You wanna talk about the breakup?” murmured Sharon.

Trixie blinked. “Whose breakup?”

Sharon’s expression changed to one of pity. “Oh, doll…”

Trixie remembered. She pulled her hand out of Sharon’s grasp and sat up again. Taking a breath, Trixie looked for the alcohol. “I’m still not drunk enough.”

Somewhat reluctantly, Sharon also sat up. “There’s still time to fix that.”

…

After killing another bottle of wine (or two), Trixie heard rhythmic movement start up again next door. “Fuck,” she whispered. “Round two I guess.”

Sharon’s head turned on Trixie’s shoulder, her hair tickling Trixie’s neck. “You wanna go again?” she asked half-heartedly.

Trixie shook her head.

“You sure?” asked Sharon. “I brought uppers if you need the energy--”

“No, thanks.” Trixie rubbed her eyes.

Sharon wound an arm over Trixie’s chest. “You gettin’ sleepy, baby?”

“No,” said Trixie firmly.

Sharon removed her arm and shifted away from Trixie. “Jeez.”

“No, I’m sorry, come here--”

Sharon smiled and curled back into Trixie’s arms. “Moody.”

Trixie let out a dry half-chuckle and took a breath. “Fuck. I think I’m drunk enough.”

“Drunk enough for what?” murmured Sharon.

“My breakup,” Trixie deadpanned.

“Oh,” Sharon suddenly remembered. “Yeah -- what about that?”

Trixie scratched her bald head. “Not much about it, if I’m honest. I’m never around… I don’t put out often anyway…”

“How’d he dump you?” asked Sharon, her breath on Trixie’s windpipe. “Text? Email?”

Trixie sighed. “Phone call, actually.”

“Oh!” Sharon replied. “That’s not so bad.”

“I know,” Trixie shrugged. “Not even the worst way I’ve been dumped.” After a while she added “I don’t even know if I loved him.”

Sharon snorted. “How can you ‘not know’?” She pulled away to look up at Trixie. “You either loved him or you didn’t.”

Trixie knitted her fingers together and cradled the back of her head with her hands. “I don’t know, I thought I did, at the time, but like… I wasn’t even… sad or surprised when he told me. Just thought… ‘well that makes sense’.” She looked at Sharon. “You ever had that?”

Sharon looked at her blankly. “No.”

Trixie scoffed.

“I just don’t get into relationships with people I don’t care about,” explained Sharon. “That’s what meaningless sex is for.”

“Yeah, well,” Trixie sighed. “Don’t do much of that.”

“Maybe you should.”

When Trixie looked over at her, Sharon was smirking. “No.”

The season 4 winner shrugged, batted her eyelashes. “Just a suggestion. You look like you could do with some release.” She sat up and walked over to her bag in the corner. “Release comes in many forms, you know.”

Trixie sighed and cuddled a pillow to her chest. “Can’t.”

Sharon pulled a tiny ziplock from her bag. There were three or four tablets inside. Sharon pulled one from the bag and slipped it into her mouth. “Why not?”

Trixie let her eyes unfocus, staring into an empty corner of the room. “Wouldn’t be a good trip.”

Sharon stowed the baggie and trotted back to bed, swinging her hips on the way. “You know that for sure?”

Trixie folded a pillow under her head and curled her arms around her chest, tucking her legs into a loose fetal position. “Not risking a repeat of last time.”

Sharon perched on one hip on the bed. She wrapped a gentle hand around one of Trixie’s calves and started gently pressing into the muscle, massaging. “Wanna tell me about that?” she asked. “Since you don't wanna talk about the other thing?”

Trixie shifted onto her back and covered her eyes with the inside of her elbow. “Ugh, fine.” She unhooked her legs, letting Sharon really get into her calves, tight and sore from heels. She could talk about this at least. And at least this unpleasant memory was one she was comfortable reliving.

“So it was… another breakup. I wanted to feel good, I wanted it bad. I told people I’d do anything not to feel so miserable anymore. Detox gave me party drugs, all I wanted was to feel… alive again, I guess. I threw myself into the dance floor, I threw myself into… conning myself into thinking that I was feeling just great you know… then the fear set in. And it turned.

“And it was the… the paranoia, the voice saying -- you know, the inner saboteur. ‘You’re just faking, you’re so fake, people can tell and you’re bringing them down, your friends secretly hate you’--all that self destructive bullshit. And all that kept going around and around, and I freaked myself out… I left the bar, without telling anyone where I was going. I nearly got mugged in an alley before I remembered I’m six feet tall and built like an ox.”

Sharon chuckled. She’d been doing a great job, massaging away all the tension in Trixie’s legs. She honestly felt like Sharon had pulled weight from her shoulders. “What happened then?” asked Sharon.

Trixie took a deep breath in. “I don’t really remember, but I called Courtney. She says I was having a full-on panic attack.”

“That’s no fun,” said Sharon.

Trixie stared off into the distance for a while more, remembering waking up at Courtney’s, remembering the vague blurriness of the Aussie trying to calm her down, staying with her while her whole body shook. “It really isn’t.”

A good long silence followed, long enough for them to hear the neighbors start up again. “Oh my God,” Trixie deadpanned. “Katya never has enough energy for fucking 3 rounds -- she comes _once_ and she’s ready to crash.”

“Evidently not this time.”

Trixie’s eyes had started dragging down. She blinked for 4 seconds at a time.

“Gettin’ sleepy?” Sharon teased.

“No,” Trixie lied. She tried to shake herself awake. “Anyway I can’t sleep yet. Haven’t bared my soul or blared sad music.”

“Well,” said Sharon, rising to her knees on the mattress. “Wanna bug them again?”

Trixie smiled slightly, and sat upright against the headboard.

This time Trixie didn’t have the energy to do any bouncing, but once Sharon’s pill kicked in, she was damn near jumping out of her skin. Laughing, squealing, trying flips in the limited midair. Trixie couldn’t help the genuine smile that stuck on her face, hardly fading as she watched the other queen bounce and bounce. Trixie took up the task of smacking the wall at certain intervals, until that movement alone taxed her depleted energy. Then she simply watched.

That was, until…

On the door: _Smack! Smack! Smack!_ “HEY! SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP ON THIS FLOOR!”

From next door, Trixie heard Alaska’s voice, penitent. “ _Shit, sorry Jinkx!_ ”

There was a frustrated grunt from the hallway. “Yeah, yeah, just keep it down you fucks.”

Sharon let out a cackle. “Jinkx sleep deprived is fucking hilarious!” she managed through hysterics.

Trixie’s face fell as she continued to watch Sharon’s energy level at 3:30 in the morning. _Oh God I have to watch over this piece of shit for another 3 to 5 hours._ Now Trixie found herself in a conundrum: not only did she kinda want to die, but she couldn’t because then there would be nobody around to babysit Sharon Needles.

Regretfully, Trixie turned the TV back up to half volume. “Hey, Shar, why don’t we watch some more NCIS?”

___

Jinkx stomped down the hallway back toward her room. It was bad enough that her narcolepsy had returned after years of it being dormant. She’d actually let herself imagine that the whole sleep disorder thing was behind her, that she had been cured somehow. That was, until a few months ago when she found herself falling asleep at her makeup table.

All she wanted to do was sleep tonight, but _oh no_ , because people had to fuck at the top of their lungs, and other people had to compete to see who could be the loudest. And her narcolepsy was being infuriatingly useless in letting her sleep through it.

She didn’t even realize she was falling asleep while she was walking. That was, until she was suddenly being held up by her underarms, clutched against a chest.

Jinkx’ hands flung to the sides of the person holding her, her body awake enough to steady herself even though her mind moved like molasses. “Hn--uhh?”

“Chill,” said a soft and familiar voice. “It’s me.”

Jinkx looked up to see Roxxxy, out of drag and wearing one of the other girls shirts. She relaxed. At least she hadn’t passed out in the arms of a stranger. Jinkx found her strength and righted herself on her feet. Roxxxy let up a little on her hold on Jinkx. She still kept a hand on her arm, not fully trusting her to stay vertical.

“God,” breathed Jinkx. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise,” corrected Roxxxy. “You had no control, I mean obviously.”

Jinkx sighed. “I just -- I need to… sleep and,” her arm motioned back toward the louder end of the hallway. “They keep… keeping me up.” Jinkx pressed the insides of her wrists against her eye sockets. “I just need to sleep.”

“I’m further away from them, you’re more than welcome to bunk with me for the night.” Roxxxy slid her hand from Jinkx’ arm to her waist. She began to guide the narcoleptic drag queen further down the hall.  

Jinkx didn’t even try and resist. She was far too tired. Instead, Jinkx let her eyes fall closed and her head loll into Roxxxy’s shoulder. Roxxxy drew her closer and clutched her hand into Jinkx’ side, preparing for another faint.

While Roxxxy fiddled with opening the door to her room, Jinkx let out a little hum. Instinctively, Roxxxy gripped her tighter, balancing the redhead’s weight on her hip just in time for her to go limp with sleep.

“Motherfuck,” grunted Roxxxy. She crammed her foot in the doorway and resituated Jinkx. She let Jinkx rest gently on her knees so she could get a grip on the backs of the other’s legs. With her other arm she held Jinkx around the shoulders, barely managing to pick up the nearly 6 foot tall queen. Thankfully, Roxxxy’s bed wasn’t far away, and she unceremoniously dropped the ginger onto the already messy sheets.

Jinkx barely stirred. By the time Roxxxy caught her breath, Jinkx was snoring.

Roxxxy sighed and rolled her eyes. Was there any point in trying to turn Jinkx so she lay the right way around in the hotel bed? Vertical, as opposed to how she spread now, curled across the middle? Roxxxy doubted it. Jinkx seemed comfortable enough. Without further ado, Roxxxy grabbed a pillow, folded it in half, and planted herself by Jinkx’ side.

“Night, Red.”

_____

Trixie stared blankly at the TV screen. Her eyes were dry. By her side and under her arm, Sharon humped her leg. She let out a little whine of frustration and broke her rhythm.

“Whassa matter?” Trixie mumbled. “Can’t get it up, buttercup?”

“Don’t be rude,” chastised Sharon.

Trixie grabbed the half-empty water bottle off the side table and shoved it at Sharon. “Hydrate. You’re radiating heat.”

Sharon let out a whine. She reached for the water, but her hand ended up a full five inches from the target.

“Oh for Christ’s sake,” snapped Trixie, unscrewing the top for herself. She repositioned so she was propped up on her elbow. “Open,” she directed Sharon.

Sharon crossed her arms over her chest but opened up anyway. Trixie stuck the bottle in Sharon’s mouth and tipped the water gently into it. She could have been an asshole and dumped it all in at once…

she pulled the bottle back from Sharon’s lips and screwed the cap back on. Something was happening to her throat — maybe she was gonna puke. No that wasn't right.

Sharon swallowed and exhaled. “Refreshing. Wish it was whiskey. Do you have whiskey? Oh shit are you _crying_?”

Trixie nodded. That _was_ what was happening, wasn’t it? Her throat and nose made a shrieking, whining sound and her face got very wet.

Sharon wrapped her arms around Trixie’s neck and pulled her into Sharon’s hot chest. “Cmon, it’s okay, baby. It’s okay, let it out. Let it out.”

The soft shrieking noises kept coming out of her, and her breath grew ragged. Her head started to hurt. Trixie found her arms around Sharon’s back, clutching her bare skin glistening with sweat. Sharon kept hushing, whispering words of comfort. “It’s okay, let all of it out. All of it. This was the goal, remember? Yeah, this is good. And when you’re ready, tell me what you’re thinking. But not until you’re ready.”

Trixie started gasping, wheezing in hysterics. Her whole body was taken over by sobs — she had to sit up to feel it. Sharon followed her, and rubbed her back, told her to breathe deep. That it was enough now. No need to hyperventilate.

“I— I— I f— I f-f- I fee— eel like, like, like, like I’m dr— o— dr— drown— ing,” Trixie sobbed.

Sharon rubbed a soft circle into Trixie’s back. “ ‘S like that sometimes.”

Trixie grabbed Sharon’s hand at her back and held it there. She went to great lengths for a few minutes to slow her breathing enough to say something. “Am I, even worthy?” She hiccuped. “I want love, I just want _love_ , I want the _real_ love, y’know? Cause I’ve had it. i just… I want _that feeling_ again.”

The Milwaukee queen again was overtaken by sobs. This time, Sharon jumped to her knees and rounded Trixie to kneel in front of her. She brought Trixie’s face up to her shoulder and again held her. Sharon ended up straddling Trixie’s hips, swaying them both gently.

In time, Trixie’s cries subsided, and she lay slumped against her fellow queen. Sharon pressed a kiss to the crown of Trixie’s bald head. “In the beginning of that,” she hummed. “You said… asked if you were worthy. Of love.”

Trixie said nothing.

Sharon traced small circles into the base of Trixie’s neck. “I’ve been on this planet a while longer than you. And I’m here to tell you,” she pulled Trixie’s head back so she could look in her eyes. “You are. Worthy. Okay?”

Trixie’s face wrenched with emotion. She nodded.

Sharon wiped wetness from the edge of Trixie’s eyes. “I’m gonna tell you something. I know it’s not what you meant, but it’s what you’re getting. Okay? I love you.” She pressed a kiss to Trixie’s sweaty forehead.

“I love you.” She kissed both of Trixie’s red cheeks.

Sharon stared into Trixie’s eyes. “I. Love. You.”

Their lips met for a few tender seconds, and it was exactly what Trixie needed.

Once they had had a moment to breathe, Sharon sprung up again. “Well that’s one item off the checklist,” she declared. “Where’s your guitar?”

_____

Katya pressed tender kisses to the back of Alaska’s neck. Still half asleep, Alaska reached back to run her hand against the side of Katya’s head. Her eyes opened slightly. She shifted her legs under the covers, wincing a little at the lasting soreness. She hummed and reached for the digital hotel clock. 4:45. She had two hours before they had to be back down at the bus. And before she’d fallen asleep… it had been 3:30 or something.

“Have you gotten any sleep at all?” Alaska croaked.

Katya sighed, rustling baby hairs on Alaska’s neck. “I never sleep.”

Alaska closed her lids again and shifted onto her back. “C’mere.”

Katya wrapped an arm around Alaska’s lean bare chest, careful to avoid places she had intentionally made tender and purple. Katya curled her chin into the space above Alaska’s shoulder.

Alaska brought her hand up to clasp Katya’s. “People are gonna know,” she said softly.

“Because of the noises?” asked Katya.

Alaska chuckled. “Forget the noises, I’ll hardly be able to walk tomorrow.”

Katya buried her face in the pillow.

Alaska’s mouth hurt when she smiled. “I’ll have to wear a turtleneck for days.”

Katya yanked her hand out of Alaska’s. “I said I was sorry.”

Alaska carefully shifted onto her side. “Hey, I was just playing. Kat, look at me.”

The other offered only half her face in the dark.

Alaska reached over and gripped the sheets on Katya’s other side, caging her in. “Listen. I wouldn’t change a thing about tonight, okay?”

Katya seemed to relax and open up again.

“Nothing,” Alaska clarified. “Except maybe the bite marks on my anus.”

Katya cringed and yanked the sheets up over her face. “Gawd! Sorry, I got--”

“Carried away, I know.” Alaska giggled and tried to pull the sheet down. When she couldn’t , she merely joined Katya under the stuffy blankets. “I’m really not mad, you know.”

Katya shoved the blanket off, suddenly too warm. “You might not be mad, but I definitely fucked it up.”

Alaska sighed and prepared to console her partner for the fifth time in the night. She kept trying to forget her worries, but every time Katya acted without thinking, whenever she caused Alaska any kind of pain, Alaska was reminded how volatile Katya was. She slapped Alaska too hard, she started crying. She accidentally bit when she shouldn’t have, Katya freaked out. Alaska joked about not being able to walk in the morning, Katya beat herself up about it.

Alaska was tired -- they’d spent a lot of energy getting off, well, it was mostly Alaska getting off, but she was sure Katya had come once or twice. It was four in the goddamn morning and Alaska had gotten about two hours sleep, mostly in the form of naps between sessions. She didn’t -- couldn’t -- deal with Katya’s needy emotional shit right now. “Look, torture yourself all you want, Katya. Just… don’t do it out loud, then you really piss me off.”

Immediately she knew she shouldn't have said it. But she just wanted to sleep. She knew she’d committed further sin when she moved away from Katya; it wasn’t her fault Katya was giving off enough heat to defrost a chicken.

As Alaska faded back into the sandman’s embrace, she felt her heart softening. “You know I care about you right?” she thought she’d said. “Whatever’s going on with you, you can tell me. I won’t judge.”

But whether Katya did tell her or not, Alaska didn’t hear, because she had already fallen dead asleep.

_____

Trixie strummed a familiar chord, as well as she could as an inebriated dumpee at five am on a Tuesday night (Wednesday morning?). Sharon rested her head on Trixie’s thigh, listened to the guitar strum and felt the vibrations in her bones. She could almost taste them…

It was slow, and a folk tune, and it was sad, but a little bittersweet too. Sharon remembered it, but she didn't know from where. 

 

> _Are you lonesome tonight? Do you miss me tonight?_
> 
> _Are you sorry we drifted apart?_
> 
> _Do your memories cling to that bright summer day_
> 
> _When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?_

An assault woke Jinkx from her much-needed slumber. When she opened her eyes, Roxxxy was beside her, the muscles in her face distorting her features. Looking to her hands, JInkx saw them balled into fists.

She prodded Roxxxy’s shoulder. “Hey.”

Roxxxy’s body reacted against Jinkx -- swatting at her blindly with half-open fists.

“Hey HEY!” Jinkx croaked. “Snap out of it!”

Roxxxy’s eyes fluttered open, sleep sinking away. She stopped attacking Jinkx.

“Shit,” Jinkx smiled uncomfortably. “Some dream.”

Roxxxy clapped a hand on Jinkx’ shoulder, reaffirming reality. “Yeah,” she breathed.

“What were you fending off?” asked Jinkx. “Clown-lipped monster?”

Roxxxy flipped on her side, facing away from Jinkx. “I don’t even remember.”

Jinkx kept watching Roxxxy, tracking her heavy breathing.

Roxxxy must have felt her eyes. “Sorry I woke you,” she said. “Go back to sleep.”

Jinkx smirked. She actually felt pretty awake now, but if she could stay up just to feel Roxxxy breathing beside her, that wouldn’t be so bad.

“Goodnight, Roxxxy,” sang Jinkx, bending over to kiss her friend’s head. Before she let the other doze off, Jinkx reached for Roxxxy’s hand, and intertwined their fingers. She definitely wasn’t dreaming when she felt Roxxxy’s hand squeeze around her own. 

 

> _I have counted the days, I have counted the nights_
> 
> _I've counted the months and the years_
> 
> _I have counted on you since we've drifted apart_
> 
> _Tell me, darling, are you lonesome tonight?_

Alaska awoke to find that when she reached for Katya, she wasn’t there. She pressed her palm into the mattress: still damp with Katya’s sweat -- the bitch would sweat on the fucking north pole-- but there was no lasting warmth from the Bostonian’s body heat. Alaska sighed. _Figures_.

 

> _Does the chair in your parlor seem empty and bare?_
> 
> _Do you miss me and wish I was there?_

Trixie felt wetness in her lap, and glanced down to see Sharon openly crying, letting tears river down the sides of her face. Trixie only had to break the melody for a second to grab the nearly empty water bottle and hand it to Sharon. Sharon took a deep breath and brought the water to her dry lips. Trixie finished the song.

 

> _Is your heart filled with pain? Shall I come back again?_
> 
> _Tell me, darling, are you lonesome tonight?_

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics featured are from the song “Are You Lonesome Tonight?” by the Carter Family, which has been covered by Norah Jones and Elvis. I prefer the folksy original. Sue me.


End file.
